As I work with my young adult students, I find that I am not offering profound insights into calculus or chemical engineering, I am coaching them on skills and ideas that we continue to practice as adults. Often I’m merely retelling students my own insights in coping with problematic situations, and reminding myself again to improve myself. Here are my top 5 skills that every adult, young or old needs to practice, early and often, to be more productive, and happier.
Recognize Your Passions and Strengths
So many of my students have been counseled to become nurses. I get it, I do. It’s a growth industry. It’s a clear-cut academic path. There are lots of different levels of nursing. It’s familiar to students and teachers the world over. But, it’s not for everyone. I’ll ask my students, “Do you like people?” “Do you mind bodily fluids?” If their answer is no to either of those questions, it’s not a good career path. When I went through grade school and undergraduate, I had no idea that people were Instructional Designers, or Technical Writers, or Program Directors for non-profits. But as I went through school I paid attention to when I felt most useful and excited. And I did more of that, until I turned that into a calling.
Learn Discipline
Sometimes I wish I was a more structured person with a regular predictable routine, but I am not. History has shown that I thrive on variety and rolling with the punches. But regardless, I set priorities, and make myself meet them. I am writing this at an ungodly hour, but I am writing it. At a certain point, successful people realize that the impetus comes from within. Successful people creates structures and routines that support achieving their goals, but they also know, that ultimately, they have to do the work.
Accept Your Imperfections
One reason I would experienced so much failure in school was that I was afraid my work wouldn’t be perfect. It was better to get a zero than a C. Until I didn’t graduate from high school. Now I challenge myself to do things that I might not be great at. I present regularly at conferences, I appear on stage, I write. Each time I do these things, I might be okay, I might be brilliant, I might be horrible. Usually I’m pretty okay with room for improvement, but there is always someone who enjoys it, and goes out of their way to tell me something kind. If I had gotten so hung up on only doing what I can do perfectly, I wouldn’t have made many connections and had so many options.
Constructive Communication
It is so easy to set patterns of communication as a young person that linger for years. The communication trouble areas that I see most commonly with my students are talking with their parents and with their professors. Many of my students are first generation Americans. They feel caught between two cultures, trying to please their parents, while trying to fit the morays of their generation. Many times they feel frustrated in communicating with their parents, but it’s in part because they don’t take on the role of an adult while speaking to them. Whining seems to be a universal means of expression. They don’t take ownership over their role in family dynamics. Similarly, they don’t do enough to form connections with their instructors. Recently, after a student failed a test, I mentioned that she should talk to the professor. Her response, “Why bother, it’s already done.” I keep reminding students that they should be building relationships with their professors– as mentors, teachers, and professional contacts.
Own Your Agency
This sounds like I want you to open an insurance chain, but what I mean is we all, but particularly young adults, need exercise the control and power we have in our lives. There are certainly circumstances beyond our control. But recognizing where each of us can say “yes”, “no” or “I need help”, gives us power. Through practice, we know ourselves better, know what our priorities are and feel more comfortable making choices that support who we want to be.
