I’m like a dog with a bone when I get irritated; I cannot stop mentally wrestling with all the words I want to throw at someone. I often want to have long ranty diatribes at people who say dumb stuff around me. But I don’t think it’s helpful or effective to do it, cuz they’ve already shown me they aren’t ready to listen. I’ve found flipping the script is cathartic for me. I think about how I’d like their behavior to change. It reminds me of my values, and how I hope to act myself. It completes the loop, and makes it so I can turn off the irritation faucet. So, unnamed annoyance, this is my request to you:
- Show appreciation, gratitude, and admiration for someone doing work that you are not doing.
- Avoid suggesting additional work that you are not going to do.
- Ask opinions about proposed work, rather than make suggestions of future work.
- Value expertise that is unfamiliar to you.
- Understand and respect that community exists prior to your arrival.
- Recognize that your privileged identity or associations have context and history; if you feel that is unfair or unrepresentative, dismantle by demonstrating growth and change in your actions.
- Assume less.
- Communicate with respect.
- Check for mutual understanding.
- Listen to feedback.
- Respect boundaries and requests.
- Understand it’s not others’ job or responsibility to create or disrupt your experiences, particularly if you don’t share a mutual community.
- Reject hierarchical thinking that includes notions of charity or help.
- Realize that you exist in communities of mutual aid and support.
- Have clarity about the lack of correlation between formal education and intelligence and wisdom.
