I was looking to find a quick article to link to about consent, but pretty much all of them had to do with sex, so I am writing quickly, and may need to revise. Tell me what is unclear or wrong. Consent and its complement, setting of boundaries, is critical in healthy relationships. White Supremacy, Exploitation, and Racism thrives when we ignore boundaries, and ignore the concept of consent. We ask consent of people we perceive to be equal and important to us. We fail to ask consent when we lack respect for another person’s humanity. Practicing consent is critical for dismantling the interpersonal structures that underly racism.
Asking for consent in practice:
- Ask before tagging a person in photos or your posts. Identifying people in photographs can endanger all aspects of their life. Tagging someone in a post puts them on the spot, may tokenize them, and require them to take on the emotional labor of reading and/or responding to content that is triggering/traumatic
- Check in regularly during and between conversations with friends about whether it’s okay to have potentially triggering conversations. If they say it’s not, respect that boundary, and find another outlet for that processing. Don’t make their boundary about you. They may be tired. They may have limited time. It may not feel good to them.
- Offer, don’t insist. If you want to do something with/for someone, ask if they want that good, service, connect, amplification, whatever. There are many reasons why people may not want something, and it may be out of your experience why they would not. Don’t make your desire to gift become a burden.
If you have racial privilege, you must understand that Black People in America are NOT SAFE. You will not receive and do not deserve trust or consent if you do not center the preservation of Black Life, including their emotional, psychological, financial, and physical health. It is not your job to become a paternalistic protector of Black Lives. It is your work to create space for Black People to have autonomy and self-determination. Black People know best how to preserve Black Life. Those of us who are not Black have the duty to support access to the resources to preserve that life.
This work would not be possible without Toni Barskile.
