Category Archives: Community Building

Community Matters: Marissa Turner-Harris

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Donor Diapers on Facebook

Marissa blew me away last night. 

I’ve known Marissa since she was a 14 year old 9th grader. We immediately became very close because of our shared sense of humor and absurdity. Marissa is very intelligent and funny, and has taught me so much with her ability to cut through nonsense with her own wit and nonsense. 

Last night, Marissa delivered an activity that was the most interactive one yet. The group was divided into 4 tables, and each table was given a different set of money and bills. Marissa gave instructions as to how to divvy the money up– money was tight as it was, but add in diapers, and childcare, and the occasional emergency, and each table was in deficit quickly. Everyone was engaged with their tablemates. The energy was great. Later I asked Marissa if she had presented this exercise before and she said no. Her natural presentation skills made it seem like she’d done it a thousand times. 

This exercise led to Marissa describing Donor Diapers and its mission to provide diapering supplies to families in need. Providing the context for the need including informing the room about the lack of social service support for diaper supplices, the health consequences of insufficient diapers, and the financial realities of diapering. 

Major take-aways:

  • Diapers are expensive. $90/month on diapers seemed like just a beginning number. That’s a $1000/year, and you can have more than one child in diapers at once. 
  • I had never even considered the health consequences of penis circumcisions in babies. If a penis is circumcised, then it becomes irritated, more prone to bacteria, and therefore needs more regular diaper changes. 
  • $500 donated to Donor Diapers would outfit 5 babies for an entire month in diapers. $500 to some other nonprofits in town might be a drop in their budgetary bucket.

Being White While White People Are Doing White People Things

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Toni and I are starting our Anti Racism class tomorrow. Race and equity are never far from my brainwaves, so it’s hard to tell if I am more activated or not, but it’s nice to have a focus. I’m excited, but nervous, because I’m so much more prone to anxiety and exhaustion than I used to be. I’m hoping that I’ll continue to feel better as the days lengthen, but I’ve taken to staying at home on Wednesdays with no appointments because I’m so tired by Community Matters on Tuesday nights. I take all sorts of lessons from this– how lucky I am to be able to structure my time like this, how other people are afforded this kind of self-care, and that this is the world I want for all people. It does worry me to take on another high emotional labor event, but we shall see.

All this sets the backdrop for the fact that I have more time on Wednesdays for social media and general catching up on my computer time. Facebook pulled me into a thread about JLo and Shakira and sexuality. The conversation took its predictable twists and turns. And then we went into the land of white fragility. I know in the abstract that it exists, but I don’t encounter it much in the wild. This friend of my FB friend doubled and tripled down on how people were calling her racist, and that her feelings were hurt. Because I’m me, I had looked at her profile page– her profile picture was a picture of her and maybe her daughter wearing large pink sunhats at what was certainly the woman’s march. Her picture, her non-intersectional view of feminism and sexuality, and her fragility all was almost a caricature of white feminism.

In no order here are some takeaways and thoughts I have about this:

  • I feel conflicted about my balance between calling in and calling out. It hard to tell who is worthy of engaging with. Who, if held to account, and engaged with, will become activated to become anti-racist? I have seen people transform towards equity and justice. It’s long and hard work, but to get more white people activated to be anti-racist in their personal and professional lives is worth it. At a certain point tho, I wanted to say today, are you fucking kidding me?, particularly when this woman started pulling the “people are being intolerant to me” card.
  • I was reflecting on how there might be power in engaging with people at a social distance– friends of friends, rather than people in your immediate social or professional circle, but then I was blown away by my (relatively new to me) FB friend calmly and collectedly reading her own FB friend on internet protocol and social justice acceptable practices. It was a visible reminder and modeling on how to do the things.
  • This work is hard. It is hard emotionally and intellectually. And it’s not harder than what Black and Brown Women and Men have to do to survive in our culture everyday.
  • For me, practicing anti-racism looks like values the well-being of Black and Brown people in my life over the social constructs and constraints of the White dominant society.

Community Matters: Ibby Han

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Like Lisa, I met Ibby as part of the organizing from the summer of hate. Ibby was and is still a relatively young human. As I said in her introduction last night, she is one of the most gifted facilitators I’ve ever experienced. When I’m in a planning session or a meeting, and I want reassurance that it’s well-planned and organized, I look for certain people; Ibby is one of them.

Ibby wanted to speak on two topics that both came under the umbrella of Mutual Aid: Street Medics and CHIDA. Street Medics are people who provide immediate first aid care during actions and/or rallies. Actions and rallies have health risks inherently built in. They can have large numbers of attendees, face police interference and brutality, and be in extreme weather. Street medics are there to provide immediate care without being entered into the system.

CHIDA has been meeting Greyhound buses filled with asylum seekers released from detention from near the Mexico/US border. Migrants are released from incarceration with nothing but the clothes on their back and sent to their sponsors as far away as Maine or Connecticut. About 60 migrants a day, 7 days a week were moving through Charlottesville. CHIDA made sure that they were able to select water, coats, and snacks. Ibby estimates that 15,000 migrants were assisted in the past year. With the border closed, there is reduced need to provide this support.

Major takeaways from Ibby’s talk included:

  • Even with the very short layover with the Greyhound bus, it was important to employ radical consent– the idea that you do not do onto people, but that you work in solidarity with people. Rather than thrusting a bunch of objects onto people, asking what their needs are, and providing them the opportunities to choose allows them agency.
  • There is so much trauma around A12 for our community, and yet it also brought us together in community. There were 6 people in the room last night that I would not know but for the organizing around that time, and the year after– and they are people who I consider to be integral parts of my trusted community. I don’t think you have to have trauma to build organizations and solidarity, but it sure jumpstarts the process.
  • Ibby was talking about not having a line item on her resume for her community work. I giggled in my head, because I now included it. There’s two reasons; the first, community building was pretty much my full time job both summers 2017 and 2018. I wanted to account for that time spent. The second reason is that at this point I don’t want a job that doesn’t value, or at least see, those skills. To feel that I can include it on my resume is a privilege, and yet also a risk. Below is the text so you can see how I framed it:

Community Builder: Anti-Racism Efforts in Charlottesville 2017-present

Worked with a wide range of community members to safeguard our community against the white supremacist rallies of the summer. Partnered with members of SURJ, BLM, Congregate Cville and BSA, as well as mental health professionals, legal representatives, business owners and other stakeholders to prepare for an unpredictable threat against the community. Created and distributed educational materials, facilitated meetings between community members, and communicated concerns with University and City officials. Facilitated resource and fund distribution to people affected by the white supremacist attacks. Designed and taught Anti-Racism course to activate white people to incorporate anti-racist actions into their daily life.

Community Matters: Schedule

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For more information about how we got here: click here.

For information about each presenter, click on the link of their project. For my reflections on their presentation, click on their name.

Calculating Risks in Service of Equity and Justice

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Many people feel stuck when considering taking action because of fear and undefined/ill-defined risk. If privileged people can identify where our reserves and resources are, and what risk we take on, we can be more expansive and effective in our social justice work. Thinking through risk helps us to expand our diversity of tactics. Sometimes the imagined consequences of new actions are more than the actuality.

N.B. I know that many people do not have the privilege and luxury of calculating risks. I see and honor the work of People of Color, particularly Black Women, who have been leading in this work for generations. This post is written to encourage those reluctant in their privilege to begin taking more risk to build the world that we want to see.

Social Risk

Social risk happens when we feel like our families, friends and/or group isn’t going to like or accept us any more because of new and/or political stances or actions. I think that this is the silent killer of action. When you begin voicing different opinions, or stand up to your identity, you may be afraid that relationships can end. That is hard; particularly if you already feel socially isolated. You’re able to take on more social risk when you feel confident in your breadth and depth of relationships. Social risk can look like bringing up taboo topics in conversation, sharing articles that have a political point of view, challenging wrong assumptions, or ending friendships that have or feel like that have social or other value. The bright side of ending relationships that don’t feel aligned with your social justice goals, is that it can open up energy and time for more supportive relationships. It can also be a risk to join new events/movements. It can feel that you’re not far enough on your journey to be able to join a new social justice event or movement. It’s okay. Meeting new people can be hard. Sometimes people can be welcoming and ready to invite you in. Sometimes people can be tired, and nervous about meeting a newcomer themselves, particularly if you’re joining the group after a traumatic event. When you’re new, it’s a good time to be a listener, learner, and your most authentic self, including practicing saying “thank you” and “I didn’t know”.

Physical Risk

Having a physical presence in the streets is so critically important for to show our strength in numbers, to create obstacles to the status quo, and to bring us together in solidarity, yet it can be a risk that many feel that they cannot take on. For people who are differently abled, have mobility issues, have invisible illnesses, are more likely to be targeted by LO, have an outstanding warrant or previous charges, have undocumented status, are suffering from trauma and/or anxiety, or are the primary caregivers for children, the elderly, or anyone else, the logistics and physicality of physical presence can be overwhelming. If you feel that you cannot participate for any of the reasons mentioned, or others, including fear of police incitement, targeting, and escalation, there are other ways to get involved. There is need for on- and off-site community care, legal observers, communications, amplification of online messaging, etc. in most public actions. Because physical action and work is often the most visible, those of us who feel that we can’t participate in one or all on-the-ground actions feel left out or that we’re not doing enough. There’s lots of work.

Professional Risk

Professional risk lives next door to social risk. When you begin talking out about things that you feel strongly about, and holding others accountable for justice and equity in the workplace, there may be consequences including denial of responsibilities, raises, promotions, networks, invitations for speaking, conferences, and on and on. Seek out support for your work within your professional sphere– a caucus, so to speak– to help you and others speak out and up. Expect that some will applaud your efforts, and other feel threatened. You may find that your fear of reprisal (particularly, the more privilege you hold) was overblown. If you see that others are facing consequences due to their advocacy for justice, make sure to support them both privately and publicly.

Emotional Risk

It is a risk to care. Our emotional health is taxed daily. This is on purpose. I first drafted this in cold, sunless January of 2020. Then, a friend needed rent money. The impeachment trial– which was ultimately toothless– was on the radio. Now it’s June and there’s a pandemic, and an uprising, and it is a time of emotional chaos. To make the emotional connection with our own trauma and lack of agency in this system is hard enough– to make emotional connections to support and heal one another can feel overwhelming. Yet, I’d encourage you to open yourself up to hearing stories that others wish to share about their own journeys. If you can access therapy, counseling and mental health support, go. If you have access, work to make sure that everyone has access to excellent, affordable/free mental health support. I’ve also come to realize the emotional risk of telling the truth to yourself about family, resources, relationships, etc. Reconciling your ideal values with your concrete actions requires emotional risk and work.

Legal Risk

When we recognize that the legal system is built for White Supremacy, we can choose to to push the boundaries of that system in service of Black Liberation. Our networks often include police officers, judges, lawyers, and their spouses, and other family. We get waved along during inspections. We get free consultations and payment plans. We get our privacy protected. We’re seen as respectable and safe. How do we extend protections? How do we use this privilege to smash the systems of inequity.

Financial Risk

Taking on more financial risk one of the most important and available opportunities to us with greater financial stability. Financial stability is NOT only having cash in the bank– lots of people with privilege are struggling to pay bills, and do not feel that they can give as much as they like. Wealth is not only money, but it is also property, networks of relatives, available credit, banking relationships, etc. One example of taking on financial risk is co-signing a credit card with someone who has no or poor credit history. It is possible to limit your financial risk, while helping someone access the benefits of a higher credit score. Assessing your threshold of financial risk could allow you to give more money, altering working hours in order to dedicate more time to unpaid community work, offer services on a sliding scale, etc.

To close, I’ll share this FB post from Scott Woods via Wear Your Voice Magazine

Speaking out puts you outside the pale of polite spaces. 
Speaking out costs you opportunities, gigs, and jobs. 
Speaking out suggests that you have time to waste, that you don’t have certain things. 
Speaking out costs you friends and lovers and camaraderie. 
Speaking out generates as much loneliness as it does attention. 
Speaking out makes you “that” cat. 
Speaking out means there are people you won’t get to meet once you speak, but who will have an opinion of you anyway. 
Speaking out makes you a target, makes you susceptible to judgment, makes you vulnerable to people and systems alike. 
Speaking out will dry up your associations and make you a pariah, force you to wear the scarlet tweet in your world. 
Speaking out may cost you your world. 
Speaking out makes an argument out of nothing, makes a fight last a year. 
Speaking out gets you uninvited to parties. 
Speaking out gets you invited to meetings that only want to co-opt your presence because speaking out makes them look like they’re speaking out too. 
Speaking out gets you dismissed, gets you fired.
Speaking out can make you poor. 

So if you’re out here arguing that someone speaking out doesn’t cost them anything, you’re probably wrong.

Community Matters: Lisa Woolfork

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Black Women Stitch, Stitch Please

People sitting at tables. The people are a variety of races and ages. Most are women. They are all engaged in small group conversations.
Students and community members ordering food before Lisa Woolfork presents.

Lisa Woolfork presented at last night’s second “Community Matters”. I’ve known Lisa since the summer of 2017 when we were doing preparation and response to the white supremacist Unite the Right rallies. I’ve heard the origin stories of Black Women Stitch and Stitch Please before; each time I hear Lisa talk about it, she brings more layers and understanding to why this is such an important project for Black women and femmes.

Lisa is an amazing seamstress– she’s been sewing and quilting for over 20 years. As part her work she’d pay to go to retreats where she’d often be the only Black woman in attendance. Last night she talked about it took some traumatic events to make her realize that she didn’t want to be part of those circles anymore. Lisa talked about fear, risk, and regret that she didn’t act sooner. Some of my major take-aways from last night were:

  • It’s not the responsibility of Black people to educate White people about their microaggressions. Lisa disappeared from the White sewing community that she had been part of for 20 years and almost no one followed up with her to check in about her absence. It’s not on Lisa to get them to understand why she is no longer there. Lisa wants to create her own productive, supportive community.
  • It is unusual and special in Charlottesville for a Black person to be able to share their story and perspective to a mixed race crowd and for their perspective to be honored without question or gaslighting. I hope that we can grow these moments.
  • By Lisa sharing her full perspective– full of examples of strength and self-doubt, a space was created for younger Black women to share their own struggles and doubts, and to get validation from other community members of what they are achieving.
  • Lisa’s story is inspiring other Black women in attendance to create and further their own projects.

Community Matters: Mack McLellan

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Mack’s website, Mack’s Amazon wishlist

I asked Mack to be our first presenter because he’s game for most anything, funny, charming, and super personable (I just described every presenter I got, so I actually no longer know why I picked him first). I met Mack on August 13, 2018, after a summer of organizing to prepare for the anniversary of the events of August 2017. I wanted to be doing something proactive for community, not just reacting to the actions of White Supremacists. Mack got invited to this community meeting that I was attending, and the two of us immediately hit it off. Mack has a can do attitude that isn’t bound by following conventions of what’s been done. He just wants to make positive change. I value his perspective immensely– I remember regularly his words about all children– regardless of privilege– needing time with parents, and yet missing that critically important relationship, in wealthy families with nannies, and less affluent families where parents work 3 jobs to make ends meet. His words reminded me of universal needs, and helped shift my perspective to be more empathetic overall.

Mack McLelllan, an African American Man, speaks to a group of people sitting at dining tables.

One way Mack works is to distribute culturally competent books in area neighborhoods through his Bridging the Gap program. He’s pragmatic– what’s more likely to bring kids out– some piles of books? OR some piles of books in front of a bounce house and some ice cream?! Mack meets the community where they are, accepts and celebrates them as they are.

Some highlights from last night:

  • Mack’s description of how mindfulness puts the burden on children to change their behavior without the acknowledgement of context, or change of environment (my summary)
  • His story and picture of a proud Afghani girl wearing a hijab that matched the book’s cover picture of a girl in the same pink hijab
  • Discussion of a literature/book distribution event on grounds for young community members
  • The idea of UVA student-led book drives
  • Seeing people engaged with the event for the entirety of the 2 hours, some staying longer than they meant to, and some staying way longer than the 8:00 close.

group of people sitting at dining tables in a restaurant. Participants are a mixture of ages -- ranging from early 20s to late 40s, present as different races and genders. They are engaged in small group conversations.

I hope to see you at the next event Tuesday, January 28 with Lisa Woolfork of Stitch Please

UVA students, register for dates in the series here. Community Members, please join us. I appreciate a message letting me know you’re coming, but spontaneity is okay too!

Community Matters: How We Got Here

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A year ago my friend Julie Caruccio (you know, Julie, the Assistant Vice President of Student Affairs; Associate Dean of Students– no big deal) wrote to me “I’d like to formally invite you to collaborate with us on the development of a training program for students interested in doing community engagement.”

This was an exciting moment for me professionally. I remembered finishing my doctorate 15 years ago, and asking myself and my adviser, what am I even doing? Am I even using my education? My adviser assured me that I was okay– that my path would make sense, and that all my experiences would lead me to where I was supposed to go. There’s so much internal and external pressure to “use” your education. As if education isn’t an exercise for each of us to understand our selves and our skills better, that is an end to itself, and doesn’t have to be commodified. I’ve always had a defensive, uncomfortable, and complicated reaction to the combination of holding a PhD and service industry jobs. I honestly don’t think that my degree makes me smarter or more valuable as a human. And yet, I find myself simultaneously wanting recognition for my achievement, and the recognition of the humanity of my fellow service workers regardless of formal educational attainment. Also, I am ambitious– I know that my skills and experience in education and community building could be applied at the university level, even as I am uninterested in and unsuited for the typical academic track. Being recognized as having expertise in training and community engagement was important and meaningful to me.

Julie and I began meeting with a student intern, Maggie Hirshland, and, after her maternity leave, another Student Affairs staffer, Rose Cole. After a week or two of listing frustrations stemming from a couple decades of working with UVA students and faculty (a partial list at bottom), I made a mental shift– remembering that the UVA undergraduate population are an age group that I love, and that they are smart, still developing, and in “education mode”. This realization made me view this work as an opportunity to teach, not just chastise.

Over the course of the spring semester, we worked together to visualize what effective student training for community engagement would look like in the particular environment of UVA. I thought about the internal work we must do for our idealized beliefs to become concrete actions. I thought about what respect looks like in practice. I thought about how our insecurities and discomfort negatively affect the way we move through the world. I thought about how it’s so much more powerful to frame suggestions in positive action to enact, as opposed to as a list of “nos” and “nots”. As I reflected, my thoughts coalesced into a framework to guide thinking before, during and after community engagement. I’ve been fortunate to present this framework in a number of Melissa Levy’s classes within the Youth Development Program, and have applied it in community work.

In the Fall, Julie followed up on one of our ideas of putting on an evening series similar to BE’s study groups, compensating me as a Community Fellow. On Tuesday nights from January to May, we’ll be meeting in the back room of the Blue Moon Diner. I’ve got an amazing slate of Community Members doing work that supports, honors, and nurtures our greater community in a multiplicity of ways. They will present about their work, with time built in for dinner attendees to get to know one another, and to generate ideas that authentically connect the University and greater Cville communities. I plan to reflect on each week’s presentation here. The name of the organization links to some material on each presenter. As they present, their name will link to my reflections. The amazing slate so far includes, these fabulous humans:

UVA students, register for dates in the series here. Community Members, please join us. I appreciate a message letting me know you’re coming, but spontaneity is okay too!

Historical Challenges of Working with UVA students, faculty, staff (an incomplete list)

  • Hierarchical Thinking This shows up as UVA-affiliated peeps thinking that they are smarter, more experienced, more capable, more competent, etc., which in turn leads to savior complex.
  • Access to Resources/Systems UVA peeps have access to space, tools, printing, money– this is not without a cost (hello student debt), but there is an assumption that systems and resources available to UVA’s institutional purchasing power is available to local organizations and individuals. A lack in the community may not be due ignorance, the lack can be due to lack of resources, or a mindful prioritization of different resources or values.
  • Compensation I gave free labor to UVA for many years. It’s sorta like when artists are encouraged to do work for free for “exposure”. When a school has a $9.6 billion endowment, and a $3.5 billion annual budget (!!!), that they can’t pay local content experts $100 to share their knowledge is kinda crazy. Not only is getting promise of compensation in the first place challenging, but the logistics of getting paid is incredibly difficult. I’ve gotten paid 3 different ways in the course of the year. When I do get paid, I get a 1099 at the end of the year, which results in having to file taxes, sometimes a tax penalty, and an additional fee for running a business. Some of this is not the University’s fault, it’s just something that anyone doing work with the University has to factor into their financial well-being. (I’m focusing here on people not employed by/affiliated with the University, but plenty of wage workers, adjunct faculty, staff, student athletes, undergraduates and grad students are under-compensated for the labor that they are doing for the university. That the history of UVA is rife with sexism, classism and racism and that marginalized people, especially Black People, have been exploited for their labor cannot be over-emphasized in these conversations.)
  • Extractive Processes This shows up when the University (students, faculty, staff, administration) benefits more from “community” projects than the actual community does. Community members’ resources come in the form of information, time, stories, money, land, data from unconsented experiments, emotional labor, good will. At the root of this is hierarchical thought and practices. The University in all its forms benefits through resume lines, network building, grant-funding, control of community resources, and an outsized voice in community decision-making due to power and perceptions of expertise.
  • Longevity of Relationships Undergraduate students are here for anywhere from 2 to 6 years depending on transfer status and how long it takes to complete course work. Each “year” can be as short as two 15- week semesters with their own obligations and deadlines. Students have all sorts of other obligations– travel home or to study abroad programs, work opportunities and obligations, varying weekly schedules, exams, etc. All of this is a completely different rhythm than much of the greater cville community, which has public school schedules, calendar years, fiscal years, and generations of living life. It can be very hard to sync up the competing timing needs of the different worlds.

Guiding Questions for Improved Community Engagement

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This is the work of Dolly Joseph, and should not be used without express permission and compensation.

Before Engagement

Before heading into a community– for an internship, volunteering, seeking employment, whatever, it’s a good idea to situate yourself in relationship to the new project. 

Feelings

Check in with yourself about how you are feeling– nervous, excited, timid, enthusiastic, apathetic… It’s okay to feel one or all of those feelings, and it’s also important to think about how the display of those feelings might be received by the community member(s) that you’ll be interacting with. 

  • What am I bringing to the community? 
  • How may I be received by this community? How do I feel about that? 
  • What will be challenging? What will be easy? 

Skills

It’s also a good moment to take a skills inventory of yourself. What do you feel like you know how to do well? What could stand some improvement? What skills are you hoping to practice or develop with this opportunity.

  • What am I bringing to the community? 
  • What relevant skills do I have? Is that enough? Where should I grow? 
  • What am I expecting to get out of this interaction? 
  • What am I expecting the community to get out of this interaction? 

Information

It’s important to understand the context of the community that you will be engaging with. Do you have the needed information to engage in a positive manner? Have you gathered information from trusted, accurate sources? 

  • What am I bringing to the community? 
  • How have I educated myself about the community? 
  • What assumptions have I made? Are those fair? 
  • What expertise already exists in this community? 

Resources

Resources can cut across these 3 categories– Resources can be related to access to information, time, money, emotional labor, etc. Often when we do community engagement in the form of volunteering we forget about the resources that are required to accommodate us as volunteers. It’s incredibly important to consider how resources are used when we engage with the community.

  • What am I bringing to the community? 
  • What is the balance between what I will bring to this community (skills, open-mindedness, readiness to work, etc.) and what I will take (time, energy, etc.) 
  • What is the community [giving/sacrificing/risking] by hosting/partnering with me? 

During Engagement

While you are within your community engagement, it’s important to consider how things seem to be going– both good and not-so-good. Remember, none of us are perfect. Often we get into the trap of thinking that there is no room for error. You will make mistakes, and then grow and learn from that practice. Reflecting and adjusting during your community engagement is a great way to improve your current and future experience. 

  • Am I effectively paying attention to direct and indirect communication? 
  • Am I engaging in effective, positive and/or productive interpersonal interactions? 
  • Am I using my skills in an appropriate, effective, and respectful way? 

After Engagement

Even if your most recent community engagement was a “one off” commitment, you will have another experience in your future. It’s important to reflect on how things went so that you can be more effective next time. 

  • How do I know if my interaction was a positive experience for the community? 
  • How did my expectations differ from what happened? 
  • What should I do to have a positive and productive experience next time? 
  • What skills or resources should I access to improve my effectiveness?