Category Archives: Life Skills

Guiding Questions for Improved Community Engagement

Before Engagement

Before heading into a community or an experience — for an internship, volunteering, seeking employment, whatever, it’s a good idea to situate yourself in relationship to the new project.

Feelings

Check in with yourself about how you are feeling– nervous, excited, timid, enthusiastic, apathetic… It’s okay to feel one or all of those feelings, and it’s also important to think about how the display of those feelings might be received by the community member(s) that you’ll be interacting with.

What am I bringing to the community/experience?
How may I be received by this community? How do I feel about that?
What will be challenging? What will be easy?

Skills

It’s also a good moment to take a skills inventory of yourself. What do you feel like you know how to do well? What could stand some improvement? What skills are you hoping to practice or develop with this opportunity.

What am I bringing to the community/experience?
What relevant skills do I have? Is that enough? Where should I grow?
What am I expecting to get out of this interaction?
What am I expecting the community to get out of this interaction?

Information

It’s important to understand the context of the community that you will be engaging with. Do you have the needed information to engage in a positive manner? Have you gathered information from trusted, accurate sources?

What am I bringing to the community/experience?
How have I educated myself about the community?
What assumptions have I made? Are those fair?
What expertise already exists in this community?

Resources

Resources can cut across these 3 categories– Resources can be related to access to information, time, money, emotional labor, etc. Often when we do community engagement in the form of volunteering we forget about the resources that are required to accommodate us as volunteers. It’s incredibly important to consider how resources are used when we engage with the community.

What am I bringing to the community/experience?
What is the balance between what I will bring to this community (skills, open-mindedness, readiness to work, etc.) and what I will take (time, energy, etc.)
What is the community [giving/sacrificing/risking] by hosting/partnering with me?

During Engagement

While you are within your community engagement, it’s important to consider how things seem to be going– both good and not-so-good. Remember, none of us are perfect. Often we get into the trap of thinking that there is no room for error. You will make mistakes, and then grow and learn from that practice. Reflecting and adjusting during your community engagement is a great way to improve your current and future experience.

Am I effectively paying attention to direct and indirect communication?
Am I engaging in effective, positive and/or productive interpersonal interactions?
Am I using my skills in an appropriate, effective, and respectful way?
Am I balancing my needs and other people’s needs?

After Engagement

Even if your most recent community engagement was a “one off” commitment, you will have another experience in your future. It’s important to reflect on how things went so that you can be more effective next time.

How do I know if my interaction was a positive experience for the community?
How did my expectations differ from what happened?
What should I do to have a positive and productive experience next time?

What skills or resources should I access to improve my effectiveness?

Community Matters: Raven Mack

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A handsome white guy with a blackberry bush beard in a customized Adidas tracksuit gestures and speaks to an audience of people in a restaurant setting. — Raven Mack speaking at Community Matters

I’ve been delayed in writing about Community Matters for this week because it’s been such a busy week, and frankly, I’m writing about my guy which has been . It’s been a busy week for the two of us– Tuesday was Community Matters, Wednesday was the first Haiku Slam of the year, Saturday we went to Leni Sorensen’s house for dinner, and Sunday we went to dinner to meet X of the Black Power Station in South Africa– a week full of the things we love most– ideas, community– new and old, the arts.

Raven and I met in August of 2018. He signed up to be part of the community care response to the one year anniversary. Within minutes I recognized that he was smart and observant and “deputized” him to make decisions. After that weekend we started talking. I went to his September haiku slam and recognized that he had created an environment that felt akin to CLAW and BE, but in 17 syllable poetry battles. A year and a half later, we’ve increasingly become partners in plans– plans for the apocalypse, the arts, community, and some undiscovered empty building.

Tuesday, Raven talked about his vision of how writing and the arts can be a path to healing. Here’s some takeaways from his talk:

Thrive vs Survive. Raven talked about how difficult it is to simply survive, and that participating in the arts can push someone over into being able to thrive.
When he was a painter he’d have a stack of 3”x5” cards in his pocket in order to quickly write haiku without getting fussed at for slacking off. Make art in the corners of your life.
I’ll be honest– so much of what Raven was talking about wasn’t new to me– repackaged into the format for the evening, but I was so proud to have some of my best friends witness what a brilliant, creative thinker my partner is.

A white woman smirks lovingly at a gesturing and speaking man — Raven and Dolly at Community Matters

Wednesday night was Raven’s haiku slam. The 3 top finishers were all under 22. The energy was amazing. The room was full of laughter, righteous anger, and wordplay. Having back to back Community Matters and Haiku Slam, made me so proud of how we support each other to foster the community that we desire and need.

Photos by Kristen Finn

Hey, Unnamed Annoying Person!!

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I’m like a dog with a bone when I get irritated; I cannot stop mentally wrestling with all the words I want to throw at someone. I often want to have long ranty diatribes at people who say dumb stuff around me. But I don’t think it’s helpful or effective to do it, cuz they’ve already shown me they aren’t ready to listen. I’ve found flipping the script is cathartic for me. I think about how I’d like their behavior to change. It reminds me of my values, and how I hope to act myself. It completes the loop, and makes it so I can turn off the irritation faucet. So, unnamed annoyance, this is my request to you:

Show appreciation, gratitude, and admiration for someone doing work that you are not doing.
Avoid suggesting additional work that you are not going to do.
Ask opinions about proposed work, rather than make suggestions of future work.
Value expertise that is unfamiliar to you.
Understand and respect that community exists prior to your arrival.
Recognize that your privileged identity or associations have context and history; if you feel that is unfair or unrepresentative, dismantle by demonstrating growth and change in your actions.
Assume less.
Communicate with respect.
Check for mutual understanding.
Listen to feedback.
Respect boundaries and requests.
Understand it’s not others’ job or responsibility to create or disrupt your experiences, particularly if you don’t share a mutual community.
Reject hierarchical thinking that includes notions of charity or help.
Realize that you exist in communities of mutual aid and support.
Have clarity about the lack of correlation between formal education and intelligence and wisdom.

DART: Developing Anti-Racist Techniques

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A 5-week course for white people to develop their skillset of anti-racist techniques for use in a variety of contexts, from interpersonal relationships to institutional change. Sessions are March 12, 19, 26 and April 2 and 9 from 5:30-7:00 at a downtown location. This course is for people who are committed to incorporating Anti-Racist Actions into their lives. The course is $100.

Participants will:

Identify and lower individual barriers to performing anti-racist actions
Integrate more anti-racist actions into their day-to-day life

Participants will engage in goal-setting, facilitated discussion, observation and practice during the week, and debriefing.

Topics to include:

Lowering Barriers through Identifying Risk.
Analyzing Resources
Inventorying Relationships
Putting Ideals into Practice

To begin registration: complete this Google Form.

Dolly Joseph, a white woman, wearing a black t-shirt is on the left. Toni Barskile, a Black woman, wearing a white t-shirt are pictured. Both are smiling. — Your facilitators: Dolly Joseph and Toni Barskile

Toni Barskile has been Black for 58 years in which she has attended prep schools in New Jersey, mastered White-approved “standard” English, figured out how to be perceived as “non-threatening” to members of the White establishment and teaching survival/ computer/ critical-thinking skills to Westhaven residents. Toni also works with the dialogue on race subcommittee on media relations, attends White Feather presentations sponsored by Trinity Episcopal Church, and provides web development/design assistance to the Truth Commission Ad Hoc Planning Group of the University and Community Action for Racial Equality.

Dolly Joseph has been White and lived in Central VA all of her life. Her ancestors colonized landsof the Moneton and Cherokee peoples in the Appalachian Mountains; her family’s generational wealth comes from the exploitation of Enslaved People of African descendants near Calypso, North Carolina. Dolly is an educator and community builder and was once named one of the “4 under 40” women leaders in Charlottesville. Now that she’s no longer under 40, she’s petitioning for a new honor of “5 under 50” to be started.

Toni’s superpowers include being able to call White people out on their ish without making them cry and the ability to identify structural racism in everyday situations and ways to dismantle it. Dolly’s superpowers include slicing to the heart of the problem, finding order and pattern in chaos, and getting people to do the thing they didn’t even know they wanted to do. Together, they will facilitate so that we will collectively be more ready to smash white supremacy.

BE is Dead. Long Live BE.

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Since 2014, BE has been magic. We’ve worked with over 260 young adults and children, including a core group of about 30. Two hundred community members have been involved. The entire model of BE has been based upon authentic connections, honest communication, and responsiveness to needs of all participants. We’ve worked to break down hierarchical models, and lockstep programming; we’ve formed an authentic community of mutual support and achievement.

My life has been in major transition in the past year as my beloved mom, Frances, was in her final illness and died in July. During this time two tendrils worked together: the energy I had for BE was less, and the need for weekly gatherings for our high school and college age peeps was less as students graduated and moved to 4 year colleges and grad school out of the area. My focus has shifted; I want to support other people as they create their own communities and own work. I’ve reminded so many that you don’t have to have permission to do work, and you don’t have to have structures to do work. With that in mind, BE will not be continuing our Joint Partnership of Work with VO. This means is that we will not be soliciting tax deductible contributions.

Even while we shift, the work of BE continues in so many forms. Laura and the Blue Moon Diner, our spiritual home, will be hosting community talks on Tuesdays beginning on January 21. These interactive sessions– open to you, our community– will highlight the work of community members that are building their own works. Ellen provides her mental health work both by providing free informal consultations and referrals to counselors who fit the needs of community members– including the ever-present financial piece.

BE is woven into our existence. Batula and I claimed each other as mother and daughter– even while she’s at JMU, my home is her home. When kids are in crisis, they call or text or visit us. Their friends and siblings fuss at them until they reach out. One of our younger members, Marissa, has begun her own nonprofit– Donor Diapers– and reaches out as she needs advice with her own thriving project. As I travel the state with Raven and his haiku slams, BE students join us in every city that we go to. It’s so great to drive to Richmond and see Onai and Bakar– to go to Roanoke and see Breyanna and Kimani. I run into delightful junior members like Phin, Sam, Janiya, and Juliet and their youth and energy almost trick me into doing regular events again. Cliche and I worked on a project around community members’ interactions with the police. Zongwe and I work together most Mondays beating back kudzu and other invasive weeds. These connections are genuine and long-lasting and don’t require a fiscal model to continue.

There’s work to do, fun to be had, news to hear: Elie emailed from France and needs a cover letter edited. Zaw texted from Indiana, wanting to create a program to help Thai and Burmese folks access support. Dilara and Gouzal want a visit in NOVA. I dream of traveling to see Jackie in Hawaii and Thet in Myanmar. Corey reports to me how well Kadija is doing at her new job at the Montessori School. Valeria texts to tell me her semester grades. Htoogay continues with her studies. Jean updates me on his work life, and we discuss further goals. Bakar reports on his promotions at work.

Our young adult members are growing into adulthood. I could not be prouder of them. As I update my notes, I type “4 year school”, “graduated college”, and “grad school” again and again. These are Black and Brown kids, 1st generation college kids, 1st generation Americans, Young Women in the Sciences… While we never viewed the kids through the lens of their underserved identities, the reality is that they face more barriers than they should.

We will continue to amplify the work of others who are creating community and breaking down barriers. Donor Diapers, Black Women Stitch, Southern Gothicc Futurist Haiku Slams, Bridging the Gap, and Culinary Concepts AB are all works that we’ve supported this past year. We will continue to amplify the needs of our community. Redistribution of resources, reparations, and smashing hierarchical structures of discrimination and inequity are central to BE philosophies.

In the coming year, I will continue to support and consult on projects, particularly those led by Black people. If you would like to support me and my individual work, You can send payments to PayPal paypal.me/dollyjoseph and Venmo @dollyjoseph. I will also be launching a Patreon which will show my creative work, and writing about community building and activism. https://www.patreon.com/dollyofchange

I appreciate your support over the years. The work that we’ve done with BE is one of the proudest accomplishments of my life. BE could not exist without the Steering Committee in its various shapes: Laura, Ellen, Davina, Toni, Mia, Batula, Marissa, Thet, and Jackie. The Donors and Advocates: Adam, Michele, Pat, Virginia, Ryan, Brandon, Bruce, Kim, Jim and Linda, Jennifer, Janet, Ceri, Tay, Bekah, Laura, Laura, and many more. And of course all the young people.See y’all soon.

Are you laughing enough?

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Seriously, are you having any fun?

No matter how passionate you are about your career/cause/job, or how important/critical/time sensitive it is, I don’t think you’re doing it right if you aren’t laughing. Not like a hyena, not like the Joker from the 1980s DC comics, not like an Elmo doll. More like the Dalai Lama, or Lily Tomlin, or Missy Eliot. You know those people are conscious, and working hard, and finding the humor and joy in their world. You can too.

Let’s talk about some ways to bring healthy laughter to your workplace or class or project.

Telling a story on yourself

Sometimes if we’re a manager or a teacher or in some other position of power we don’t want to show any vulnerability. If we could all just tell meaningful, funny stories about times that we learned something the hard way or the dumb way, we’d model growth, learning, and demonstrate trust in our colleagues. I promise you, the times that I’ve shared moments of young dumbness, my students, have gasped, laughed, and trusted my authenticity.

Prancerise

One of the moments from my last job that I treasure is the time that my boss imitated the Prancercise lady to put me into a better mood. One of the lessons learned was that prancercise IS a good work out. But I also took note that my boss and I bonded over foolishness. Whatever tiring task I was working on, was made easier by our brief break. Sometimes it can feel like to be “productive” you have to be task-driven, but that 5 minutes looking at a lady with a prominent camel toe can give you the drive to get back to work.

Hyperbole and Wordplay

For me and my nerd friends, playing with the words we use– the sound, the spelling, the semantics– becomes a way to enliven our discussions. With my students, I consciously and unconsciously pepper my speech with regional idioms and colloquialisms. Sure, if I was designing classes for international classes, I’d use standard business English, but I’m not. My students live in Central Virginia. When I use some silly expression, it becomes a teachable moment, but with humor. They ask me what on earth I said, shake their head at Americans, and then usually ask me for clarification that’s been puzzling them from a previous conversation.

Unacceptable Forms of Laughter

There is absolutely no place for laughter that comes from a place of derision, humiliation, racism, sexism, or othering of any sort. Yes, laughter can be a way to bond, and form community. It can also be used to humiliate and cheapen people in power differentials. Stop asking, “Do you mind if I tell a racist joke?” The answer is yes. Yes, yes I do mind if you tell the racist joke. Besides the fact that as a white person I don’t find it funny, I also see that the black server who doesn’t have the power to tell you to shut the hell up, feels ostracized. I see that if your Hispanic dishwasher is laughing along, it’s not in good humor, it’s going along to get along. I see that the laughter that your “joke” caused is malicious and hateful. I see that your “joke” continues racist norms, even if you proclaim that you aren’t a racist. As always, be aware of power differentials, and be kind.

Communication is Key

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It’s amazing to me that with so many means to communicate with one another, most of us still do such a terrible job at it. I think that 90% of the work that I do with my young people is coaching and encouraging them on how to communicate more effectively.

Communications 101
Why is it important to learn how to communicate effectively?

You’re going to want to get and keep a job.
You’re making agreements and signing contracts that have long-lasting impact on your life, and you need to make sure that you and the other person are on the same page.
Most of getting through life is forming and keeping relationships, and communication is the key to maintaining those relationships.

Here is some practical advice, particularly for the young folk, on how to more effectively communicate with others.
Communicate with Purpose.
When you are in touch with someone it’s probably to

ask for help,
volunteer help, or
gather or clarify information.

Before you call or email, think about what you are trying to achieve, and make sure that you’ve provided all the information to complete your mission. Don’t make the other person work to extract the information from you.
Use your Manners
In written correspondence, include salutation, closing and a nicety. A nicety can be as simple as saying, “Thanks so much for all of your help.” or “Hope that you enjoy your weekend.” or “I really appreciate your time on this.” The 10 seconds that it takes to write this is well worth the social lubricant. When calling, be sure to identify yourself, speak slowly and completely, and close with a nicety. When leaving a message, be complete, but succinct. Don’t assume that people have caller ID. Most businesses do not have them.

Manage your Email
Sure, email will be obsolete in 20 years, but right now, you’re dealing with professors, managers and business owners who are in in their 30s-40s, who live and breath email. Use all of the tools included in your email. Unsubscribe, identify as spam, archive read emails, delete un-needed emails— these are all ways to manage your email. Your inbox should only have emails that you still need to follow up on. Any professional job will require that you know how to manage your email.

Close the Loop
As you communicate with others, make sure that you send the last email, send the last text or leave the last voice mail. This can be as easy as saying thanks, but it can be as critical as saying thanks and acknowledging a gift.

Why Not? Reaping the Benefits of Saying No (as well as Yes)

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Despite leaving my 40+ hour a week gig 6 months ago I remain consistently busy. I haven’t taken up some major Candy Crush addiction, in fact my playtime is less than it used to be. I’ve found that my interests and passions are what fill up my time, to such an extent that I’ve got to exercise my ability to say no. Here’s what I’m remembering:

Establish Priorities Continue reading →

Building Experiences Youth Conference 2015

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This past weekend we had an amazing time at the first ever BE Youth Conference. Over 3 days 11 youth and 15 adults, one baby and one falcon came together to:

Make pizza
Bind books
Design a personalized flag
Set goals and expectations
Discuss college and career
With Permission from Peggy Harrison
Share life stories
Explore available scholarships
With Permission from Peggy Harrison

With Permission from Peggy Harrison

With Permission from Peggy Harrison
Learn to knit and crochet
Begin saving for the new year
Learn about car maintenance
Share meals
Hold a falcon
Meet new friends
Share cleaning responsibilities
Hug and Laugh

It was magical.

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Thank you to Peggy Harrison for sharing her photographs.

Encouraging Personal Growth through Scavenger Hunts

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Building Experiences is holding a Youth Conference in January and we’re hashing out the structure of the weekend. One student has been vociferously requesting a scavenger hunt so I’ve been trying to figure out an authentic way to include her request in the weekend’s agenda. The scavenger hunt is still in development, but here are some creative ways that I’ve been thinking about modifying the structure:

Continue reading →

dollyjoseph.com

| educator | creator | organizer | performer |

Category Archives: Life Skills

Guiding Questions for Improved Community Engagement

Community Matters: Raven Mack

Hey, Unnamed Annoying Person!!

DART: Developing Anti-Racist Techniques

BE is Dead. Long Live BE.

Are you laughing enough?

Communication is Key

Why Not? Reaping the Benefits of Saying No (as well as Yes)

Building Experiences Youth Conference 2015

Encouraging Personal Growth through Scavenger Hunts